Smells Like Teen Spirit

A Look Back on 2014 Tumblr Culture

by Sierra Madison

Growing up on the quiet suburban streets of a small Ontario town, I felt like I was forever destined to the same kind of life I saw constantly unraveling before me: boring, slow, and stuck in a stale cycle. As a teenager there was an inherent sadness about this life that struck a cord so deep inside of me, one I was unable comprehend at the time. It was a longing for something more, something different, something I thought was reserved for the cool kids living on the sunny coasts of California or the neon backlit streets of Amsterdam. All I knew was that suburban Ontario life wasn’t for me. 

However, that feeling changed when I was introduced to two artists that altered the way I viewed life, especially my own. Lana Del Rey and Marina and the Diamonds were the perfect spectre for every Tumblr-era teen to extend their desires onto, and every parents nightmare. Marina and the Diamonds’ Electra Heart era especially. Marina created an alter ego, which she described as the antithesis of herself at the time. It represented a corruption of one’s identity. At a time when I was unsure of who I was, and who I wanted to become, I hung on tightly to the vision of Marina in a blond wig smoking with her bad boy boyfriend–it was everything I daydreamed myself becoming. It was the identity I had longed to create for myself. 

Although Electra Heart received little praise from critics due its inability to master the corruption of the American Dream that she was aiming for (and that Lana perfectly executed shortly after), it still embodied an identity that resonated with many teenage girls globally. For me, it validated my yearning for a life outside the comforts of my own. A life that was dirty and sexy and tragic. It encompassed the dark feelings inside myself that I was too young to place, and presented them through flashy pop tunes that sounded the way sparkles looked. I walked around school with a black heart painted with eyeliner on my cheek, symbolic of the woman Marina had brainwashed me into thinking I was (spoiler alert: I was, in fact, not a woman yet; I was a girl who was scared to speak in front of her Spanish class). Electra Heart was pop-forward, easy to digest, and edgy, but ultimately what made it such a staple in the teenage growth of many young women like myself was the confidence it gave me. Marina represented everything I wanted to be, and her songs shaped my spirit in a way I hadn’t yet experienced. 

This article, and my adolescence, wouldn’t be complete if I failed to mention the other big name of this era: Lana Del Rey’s album, Born to Die. It goes without saying, if you were on Tumblr in 2012, the record made up about seventy-five percent of your identity. Lana helped birth a new genre of indie pop, radicalizing lyrics that strayed away from bubblegum pop towards darkness and self-reflection. It was at a time when teenagers like myself were foundering on the internet looking for anyone who could muster up how we were feeling into a 3 minute song. 

“This Is What Makes Us Girls'' was my anthem, for no reason other than I fantasized about being the type of girl who could relate to the lyrics. As an insecure high schooler, I was impressed by the way she presented herself with wisdom. She was damaged and she embraced it. In a time where everyone in the cafeteria could smell the insecurity dripping off you, there was something comforting about listening to her soothing voice saying “fuck you” to the world. 

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t listening to these albums for their musical mastery. I was far too young to differentiate good music from bad, though I did consider myself cool for listening to “indie” artists like Marina and Lana. I loved these albums because they created an experience outside of myself. They sang about lives and experiences different than outside of my own, ones that I so desperately craved. They also taught me the inherent power in being a teenage girl, in being young and hot and desired. You could say that isn’t the best lesson to teach a young girl, but I’d argue differently. These women were the soundtrack to my adolescence, they sparked a teenage spirit so deep inside me that made me excited to live, excited to experience all the things I hadn’t yet.

If you came into this piece wondering about the musical elements of these albums I apologize, I can offer you nothing more than an emotional response to the music. I often say these albums shaped me into the woman I am today, and though it may sound like exaggerated, it is true. As a teenage girl, life is hard to navigate. You feel an innate shame in your sexuality and your less than desirable moments, like when you’re crying on the kitchen floor over a teenage boy who just broke your heart. Born To Die and Electra Heart served as a foundation to empower myself and my sexuality: they taught me that despite what people try to sell you, the life of a woman isn’t all pretty and delicate. And that narrative fuelled my spirit like nothing else, and it taught me the power in being a woman capable of both desire and destruction. ■

Illustration by Jun Hee Kim


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